I told you I would share things I've seen and learned this past year.
Ways that I have seen God move, things I have experienced to know Gods
word to be true. Things that have challenged me to live more intentionally...
Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay
Woke my weary head
Crawled out of my bed
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Nothing's going right, shadow's took the light
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Sometimes I need a little sunshine
And sometimes I need you
Hope for a better day
A little love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay
(Everything's Okay, Lenka)
I've learned that this is literally the voice of many wives, mothers, sisters and daughters out there that have to deal with the serious illness of their loved one each day. They are serving, loving and praying someone though the darkest part of their life. They are relying on everything they've got and the hope that when all they have runs out - they will be able to just stand and hold on. To stand tall enough and long enough for the storm to pass.
This realization came only through seeing it first hand. Being right there with these women and knowing their fear, pain and weariness. Yet also their strength, determination and humor. God made women STRONG and He is faithful to uphold us.
I am blessed by the women's stories I have read, and blessed by the woman I have met on this journey. I thank them for their words and pray that those who read our story and my honest thoughts will be blessed in return. There is a great deal of need for compassion in this world. Pray for those that are hurting, grieving, enduring and healing. Take time this week to think of others before yourself, be team-players, and DON'T complain! If you put it into perspective I bet you don't really have that much to complain about. Embrace an attitude of joy and thankfulness. Choose to share love each day. Be SO thankful for the blessings and health you have.
We are thankful in the Snyder house that as of last week we now have a husband and daddy 1 year in remission from Leukemia! It has been ONE WHOLE YEAR since they have found even a trace of Leukemia in his marrow. He is getting stronger everyday! He even started running on the treadmill in physical therapy - a huge accomplishment since he hasn't been able to do so for over a year! I am so proud of him and SO encouraged by his effort and strength!
Mark has embraced this current phase in life. He has become a stay-at-home-dad most weekdays and is making them most of them. It may not be what he would have chosen or seen himself doing but he is sure finding his groove. He has a summer full of FUN planned for his boys. He is working on physical strength as well as physical and mental stamina each week - with the hope of returning to, at least part-time, work this fall. Things are starting to balance out and for the first time in over a year I find myself day-dreaming again about our future as a family. There are less days when I am fearful of the "odds" and "likely possible outcomes" always looking for "marked improvement" and more days of hope-filled, God given optimism and dreams of our future together -- and boy, does it feel GOOD!
Life can get tough - really tough but you CAN endure. You CAN rise above. You CAN choose to trust God. You CAN find your boot straps and pull yourself up. You CAN keep going and not give-in to the doubt and fear that this world would like to fool us into believing is our only option.
It is with joy-filled tears (knowing what God has brought us through) that I tell you - "Don't be defined by your circumstances, by the challenges ahead of you - persevere! Trust God to lead you, embrace His way of living and NOTHING will keep you down. Stand tall and know you are strong enough!"
Monday, May 27, 2013
Sunday, April 07, 2013
ONE YEAR LATER...
When I think back over the memories I have of this past year - many are foggy. There was sadness, fear, JOY, darkness, being really tired, hope, friendship, love, despair, faith … IT HAS BEEN A FULL YEAR. It seems to have gone by quickly - but at the same time I have such painful memories of when I wanted nothing more than time to pass faster and things to change quickly - yet they dragged on for weeks. I have so much emotion wrapped up in this past year - it is hard to express exactly how I am feeling about hitting the one year mark. What I do know is that my heart is overjoyed to say:
MARK SNYDER IS ALIVE and LEUKEMIA FREE!!
One year ago -
Easter morning, April 8th, I was sitting beside by husbands bed in the ER. He was laying as still as possible to try and work though the radiating full-body pain he had been experiencing for hours. Once my children were picked up by Grandma and Grandpa by lunch time - It was so quite. I was praying. Praying for peace, for direction for the doctors and praying to be home soon. "HOME SOON." - What a thought! I don't know how many hundreds of times this year I have thought I want to just: "be at home with Mark." Little did I know that we were starting a 41-day hospitalization followed by months and months of being in and out of the hospitals and cancer clinics - plus spending 5 months in Seattle for a bone marrow transplant.
Who knew our lives were changing forever?
I have wished many times that I could go back to the 7th of April 2012 and take a snap shot of my perspective of the future. A snip-it of my outlook of our future without the fear and doubts I now have. Fears and doubts that no matter how hard I try I cannot make go away completely. I know that this is a dumb wish. We can't go back. Things happen in our lives and they mold us and make us who we will be tomorrow. There is no hope in looking back. Hope is for today and for our future. But it would be nice sometimes to just go back to a time when I was ignorant to the fear, damage and heartache cancer brings into your life and leaves even after it appears to be gone.
Over the next two days...
Mark would undergo every test I have ever heard referenced on a TV medical show. They were looking at everything. From a simple nose/throat swap to using every type of scanning and X-ray machine - even a bone marrow biopsy. By Monday afternoon it was clear we were dealing with something serious. Wednesday morning the 11th of April, we had our first of what I call "tunnel vision" conversations. Our oncologist came in and delivered the Leukemia diagnosis and the whole room shrank. My vision narrowed until all I could hear and process where the words rapidly coming out of his mouth. My guard went up, my adrenaline was cranking and I went into crisis-management mode. I did not know then but I would have many more of these "tunnel vision" experiences over the next year as we learned the full scope of what was going on in Mark's body and how challenging the "treatment" was. Not to mention all the "side effects" that come with it.
Was I sad and scared? Yes. Did I want to fold up in a ball and cry? Yes. But there was no time for that - there were treatments to discuss, plans to make, calendars and charts to create.... could I color-code and organize cancer away? Oh yeah, and I had a husband to comfort and help focus in. I needed to let him know I was right by his side, I wasn't going anywhere and there was NOTHING we couldn't beat with God on our side. That NO matter what happened - we were going to be alright. Our lives had always "worked out" so far - why should we doubt now! No, we were going to take this head-on and not look back. We had work to do baby! TO GOD BE THE GLORY we are going to move forward in His strength! We weren't as bad off as Job and he was able to praise God!
I remember memorizing lots of information that I was being told and reading those first few days, making lots of plans and praying A LOT. I went home Wednesday night - spent some time reading about the miracle healings in the new testament. I have had a unwavering faith in God since my teenage years. I knew that when I needed the miracle power of God in my life, healing or otherwise, all I had to do was ask. I had the "faith as small as a mustard seed" I knelt by my bed and pulled out my "trump" card. I asked God for my miracle: Move the Leukemia mountain! Mark needed complete and immediate healing. Do something great God and shock those Dr.s - I want them to come back in disbelief, the cancer has left him - HE IS FINE and he can go home!
I went to the hospital the next day - it didn't happen.
No Miracle... yet. I was sad. I kept praying and asking God for help. Each day knowing the Holy Spirit was guiding and upholding me. Keeping both Mark and I going. It wasn't until several days, even a week or so later, after the diagnosis fog lifted - that I realized what God was saying back to us. "I love you and Mark so much. Do you see all the things I put in place for you before this happened? I LOVE YOU. I knew this challenge was coming and I'm right here, and will be every step of the way" Even though I had the faith, the mountain in front of us could not be moved because God was holding it down with is thumb saying, "I need both of you to walk over it, you are strong enough - I will provide a way" As I accepted the path we would have to walk, I started praying for opportunities for God to "make it worth it." I will walk it Lord but you better use it!
The Lord is faithful!!
I can't tell you how true that statement is! God has taught us a lot on this mountain journey together. If I listed all the things he has taught us, all of the people we were able to meet and encourage along our journey, tell you all the stories of those that have encouraged us and about all of the provision and promises he has delivered - my post would be SO long. I will take the next couple of weeks and post a sort of retrospective review of many of the things we have seen and experienced from God on this year long hike. Stay tuned...
Beating cancer is tough!
Not only does it require lots of mental strength and stamina but an overwhelming sense of optimism that you can make it to the other side. It takes an unwavering faith in the Great Healer and the support of your Dr.s, family and friends. But then when you actually achieve remission and feel as if you have "arrived" on the other side you look down and realize - yes, you are ALIVE…. and oh so thankful - but you are broken. Things in your head don't work so well. Your focus and emotions are wacky. Your body is beat up. Your feet (in Mark's case) are numb and awkward leaving you with many challenges to overcome. Cancer leaves you worn and tattered. You are torn between OVERWHELMING thankfulness for life and the heartbreak that there is no guarantee how long it will last. You're thankful for the blessing of more time to watch your children grow, to love your wife, to LIVE but you are also left with the side effects. The collateral damage of remission and the "treatment" that just don't end. Things improve or change but they just don't go away. There is no "back to normal." It is tough.
Is it possible to be optimistic and find JOY among all the heartbreak and fear? Is it possible to embrace the hope God gives us for our future? Is it possible to rise each day and attack your day experiencing everything you can? Is it possible to stay positive and encourage others with your experiences? YES! - but it is all hard! It's a daily choice: to embrace your life, going forward with the joy of His spirit. Mark and I are both committed to choosing a positive grace filled outlook on life, and each day choosing it again.
Last year we were surviving.
In May of last year I decided I would give Leukemia one year of our life to mess up. For those of you who know me I know this makes you smile. Leave it to Karen to limit cancer. To put it in a box and give it a label and time frame. Yep! I'm not sure what I though I would do if we didn't reach remission and get though treatment by the one year mark... count to 5? Give it a time out? Who knows... what I do know is that I was giving it One year. I could survive one year. We needed a plan and I knew it would be a long hike. I committed that I would do my best to stay positive and just keep holding on for one year - then I wanted progress and freedom from it all.
As we hit the one year mark - I have a new goal: living with purpose. Saying "YES" as much as I can, focus on experiencing life. We are going to check off our list things we want to do before our kids are grown and we are "old." (a relative term for us now) We are focusing on living - not surviving. It will be a choice we have to make each day, knowing the Holy Spirit is guiding and upholding us each step of the journey!
So here's to the next year of our journey - being in remmsision from Leukemia and a bone marrow transplant survivor! May it be filled with blessings beyond measure and may we grow in our relationship with the Lord and as a family!
May the Lord bless each of you that reads this testimony (blog) and the families you represent. May you be strengthened in your faith by seeing what God has done for us and may you embrace the JOY the Holy Spirit has for you - no matter what your situation or circumstance may be. God is good, ALL the time, and oh so worthy of all the Glory and Praise we can give.
MARK SNYDER IS ALIVE and LEUKEMIA FREE!!
One year ago -
Easter morning, April 8th, I was sitting beside by husbands bed in the ER. He was laying as still as possible to try and work though the radiating full-body pain he had been experiencing for hours. Once my children were picked up by Grandma and Grandpa by lunch time - It was so quite. I was praying. Praying for peace, for direction for the doctors and praying to be home soon. "HOME SOON." - What a thought! I don't know how many hundreds of times this year I have thought I want to just: "be at home with Mark." Little did I know that we were starting a 41-day hospitalization followed by months and months of being in and out of the hospitals and cancer clinics - plus spending 5 months in Seattle for a bone marrow transplant.
Who knew our lives were changing forever?
I have wished many times that I could go back to the 7th of April 2012 and take a snap shot of my perspective of the future. A snip-it of my outlook of our future without the fear and doubts I now have. Fears and doubts that no matter how hard I try I cannot make go away completely. I know that this is a dumb wish. We can't go back. Things happen in our lives and they mold us and make us who we will be tomorrow. There is no hope in looking back. Hope is for today and for our future. But it would be nice sometimes to just go back to a time when I was ignorant to the fear, damage and heartache cancer brings into your life and leaves even after it appears to be gone.
Over the next two days...
Mark would undergo every test I have ever heard referenced on a TV medical show. They were looking at everything. From a simple nose/throat swap to using every type of scanning and X-ray machine - even a bone marrow biopsy. By Monday afternoon it was clear we were dealing with something serious. Wednesday morning the 11th of April, we had our first of what I call "tunnel vision" conversations. Our oncologist came in and delivered the Leukemia diagnosis and the whole room shrank. My vision narrowed until all I could hear and process where the words rapidly coming out of his mouth. My guard went up, my adrenaline was cranking and I went into crisis-management mode. I did not know then but I would have many more of these "tunnel vision" experiences over the next year as we learned the full scope of what was going on in Mark's body and how challenging the "treatment" was. Not to mention all the "side effects" that come with it.
Was I sad and scared? Yes. Did I want to fold up in a ball and cry? Yes. But there was no time for that - there were treatments to discuss, plans to make, calendars and charts to create.... could I color-code and organize cancer away? Oh yeah, and I had a husband to comfort and help focus in. I needed to let him know I was right by his side, I wasn't going anywhere and there was NOTHING we couldn't beat with God on our side. That NO matter what happened - we were going to be alright. Our lives had always "worked out" so far - why should we doubt now! No, we were going to take this head-on and not look back. We had work to do baby! TO GOD BE THE GLORY we are going to move forward in His strength! We weren't as bad off as Job and he was able to praise God!
I remember memorizing lots of information that I was being told and reading those first few days, making lots of plans and praying A LOT. I went home Wednesday night - spent some time reading about the miracle healings in the new testament. I have had a unwavering faith in God since my teenage years. I knew that when I needed the miracle power of God in my life, healing or otherwise, all I had to do was ask. I had the "faith as small as a mustard seed" I knelt by my bed and pulled out my "trump" card. I asked God for my miracle: Move the Leukemia mountain! Mark needed complete and immediate healing. Do something great God and shock those Dr.s - I want them to come back in disbelief, the cancer has left him - HE IS FINE and he can go home!
I went to the hospital the next day - it didn't happen.
No Miracle... yet. I was sad. I kept praying and asking God for help. Each day knowing the Holy Spirit was guiding and upholding me. Keeping both Mark and I going. It wasn't until several days, even a week or so later, after the diagnosis fog lifted - that I realized what God was saying back to us. "I love you and Mark so much. Do you see all the things I put in place for you before this happened? I LOVE YOU. I knew this challenge was coming and I'm right here, and will be every step of the way" Even though I had the faith, the mountain in front of us could not be moved because God was holding it down with is thumb saying, "I need both of you to walk over it, you are strong enough - I will provide a way" As I accepted the path we would have to walk, I started praying for opportunities for God to "make it worth it." I will walk it Lord but you better use it!
The Lord is faithful!!
I can't tell you how true that statement is! God has taught us a lot on this mountain journey together. If I listed all the things he has taught us, all of the people we were able to meet and encourage along our journey, tell you all the stories of those that have encouraged us and about all of the provision and promises he has delivered - my post would be SO long. I will take the next couple of weeks and post a sort of retrospective review of many of the things we have seen and experienced from God on this year long hike. Stay tuned...
Beating cancer is tough!
Not only does it require lots of mental strength and stamina but an overwhelming sense of optimism that you can make it to the other side. It takes an unwavering faith in the Great Healer and the support of your Dr.s, family and friends. But then when you actually achieve remission and feel as if you have "arrived" on the other side you look down and realize - yes, you are ALIVE…. and oh so thankful - but you are broken. Things in your head don't work so well. Your focus and emotions are wacky. Your body is beat up. Your feet (in Mark's case) are numb and awkward leaving you with many challenges to overcome. Cancer leaves you worn and tattered. You are torn between OVERWHELMING thankfulness for life and the heartbreak that there is no guarantee how long it will last. You're thankful for the blessing of more time to watch your children grow, to love your wife, to LIVE but you are also left with the side effects. The collateral damage of remission and the "treatment" that just don't end. Things improve or change but they just don't go away. There is no "back to normal." It is tough.
Is it possible to be optimistic and find JOY among all the heartbreak and fear? Is it possible to embrace the hope God gives us for our future? Is it possible to rise each day and attack your day experiencing everything you can? Is it possible to stay positive and encourage others with your experiences? YES! - but it is all hard! It's a daily choice: to embrace your life, going forward with the joy of His spirit. Mark and I are both committed to choosing a positive grace filled outlook on life, and each day choosing it again.
Last year we were surviving.
In May of last year I decided I would give Leukemia one year of our life to mess up. For those of you who know me I know this makes you smile. Leave it to Karen to limit cancer. To put it in a box and give it a label and time frame. Yep! I'm not sure what I though I would do if we didn't reach remission and get though treatment by the one year mark... count to 5? Give it a time out? Who knows... what I do know is that I was giving it One year. I could survive one year. We needed a plan and I knew it would be a long hike. I committed that I would do my best to stay positive and just keep holding on for one year - then I wanted progress and freedom from it all.
As we hit the one year mark - I have a new goal: living with purpose. Saying "YES" as much as I can, focus on experiencing life. We are going to check off our list things we want to do before our kids are grown and we are "old." (a relative term for us now) We are focusing on living - not surviving. It will be a choice we have to make each day, knowing the Holy Spirit is guiding and upholding us each step of the journey!
So here's to the next year of our journey - being in remmsision from Leukemia and a bone marrow transplant survivor! May it be filled with blessings beyond measure and may we grow in our relationship with the Lord and as a family!
May the Lord bless each of you that reads this testimony (blog) and the families you represent. May you be strengthened in your faith by seeing what God has done for us and may you embrace the JOY the Holy Spirit has for you - no matter what your situation or circumstance may be. God is good, ALL the time, and oh so worthy of all the Glory and Praise we can give.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Meeting Goals - Beating Odds
Mark is eating more, gaining weight, getting more energy back and feeling up to doing a lot more things. The neuropathy in his feet cause him balance issues and pain but he is being strong and making the best of it. Mark's skin GVHD rash is holding steady, yet so is the steroid level. We started tapering the steroids this week and will continue for the next 10 weeks or so. Please, Please, Please stay away rash. I am holding on to the quote from our wonderful Blue team head nurse back in Seattle "..... eventually the new stem cells/immune system and Mark's skin will make nice." Oh I'm waiting for that day, because that will mean that the 34+ pills he has to take each day will be greatly reduced. He will be feeling better, weighing more, filled with more energy and mental/emotional stability - and that much closer to feeling "normal" again!
With twice weekly physical therapy and oncology/blood draw once a week PLUS daily IV's, doing lots to help out at home, eating well, drinking his water and working out - he is staying busy! One goal we have not just met but surpassed this month.... NO hospitalization in February! (I made the goal of no more than 7 days a month in the hospital after our infection/hospital stay in January.) We are on the right track for sure!
Meeting goals.... Beating the odds - that's my new motto.
I am renewed in my efforts to keep my JOY alive and TACKLE the life that is before us. I have always been the type of person that goes after what she wants. I'm a planner. I pick the goal and go after it with all I have. I'm not sure why I let myself think that I don't have to do that any more. Or that I don't WANT to?
I'm committed to do all I can to make my little family's life the best. I've said before - I don't like the odds that come with Leukemia (even if in remission) - or with bone marrow transplants! But they are just odds. Let's all commit to being people that beat the odds: who try hard everyday for their family, who don't fear the worst, who put their trust in an almighty power, not putting ourselves first, not giving up or giving in - BUT having hope for a future rich in love and joy from the LORD.
I plan on putting one more thing on my list of accomplished goals... Supporting Mark faithfully and doing all I can to help his body beat the odds!
Please keep praying for Gods touch. Some days are hard, but we are seeing more improvement all the time. Long road but I'm up for it and most days Mark is too.... but if you know me at all - you know that on the days he doesn't feel up for it - I'm dragging him along or carrying him if I have to!
With twice weekly physical therapy and oncology/blood draw once a week PLUS daily IV's, doing lots to help out at home, eating well, drinking his water and working out - he is staying busy! One goal we have not just met but surpassed this month.... NO hospitalization in February! (I made the goal of no more than 7 days a month in the hospital after our infection/hospital stay in January.) We are on the right track for sure!
Meeting goals.... Beating the odds - that's my new motto.
I am renewed in my efforts to keep my JOY alive and TACKLE the life that is before us. I have always been the type of person that goes after what she wants. I'm a planner. I pick the goal and go after it with all I have. I'm not sure why I let myself think that I don't have to do that any more. Or that I don't WANT to?
I'm committed to do all I can to make my little family's life the best. I've said before - I don't like the odds that come with Leukemia (even if in remission) - or with bone marrow transplants! But they are just odds. Let's all commit to being people that beat the odds: who try hard everyday for their family, who don't fear the worst, who put their trust in an almighty power, not putting ourselves first, not giving up or giving in - BUT having hope for a future rich in love and joy from the LORD.
I plan on putting one more thing on my list of accomplished goals... Supporting Mark faithfully and doing all I can to help his body beat the odds!
Please keep praying for Gods touch. Some days are hard, but we are seeing more improvement all the time. Long road but I'm up for it and most days Mark is too.... but if you know me at all - you know that on the days he doesn't feel up for it - I'm dragging him along or carrying him if I have to!
Friday, February 22, 2013
Doing "fine"
We have good days.... we have tough days... But there are more good days than not.
I'll update more on health later... for now Click link below and enjoy:
http://youtu.be/9ylnx0NA9X4
I'll update more on health later... for now Click link below and enjoy:
http://youtu.be/9ylnx0NA9X4
Monday, February 11, 2013
Pep Talk
Mark is doing pretty good. Day by day, week by week - we just keep trying. Working hard and trying to find Joy each day. Not much has changed. His pain from the Viral meningitis is all but gone, skin GVHD is stable, energy level is declining as he tapers off the steroids but overall he is doing good. Slow progress, but doing good.
The world needs you. Stop being boring!
Not cool, Robert Frost!
But what if there really were two paths? I want to be in the one that leads to awesome.
What will be your Space Jam? What will you create to make the world awesome?
We can cry about it, or we can dance about it.
We were made to be awesome!
I wanted to share some solutions I've found lately:
When I'm....
Tired.... breath deep.
Unmotivated... pray.
Hungry but not meal time... drink water.
Saddened by life's unavoidable twists... pray.
Board..... wait, I'm never board!! Too much to do.
Tired of talking about it all... read God's promises.
Out of answers... listen and then go to sleep.
Frustrated by the things I can not change... find the JOY.
Scared about the future... pray, write and breath.
Follow the link below to watch a great little video that I really enjoyed.
Some of my favorite quotes:
I'm on your team. Be on my team.
Not cool, Robert Frost!
But what if there really were two paths? I want to be in the one that leads to awesome.
What will be your Space Jam? What will you create to make the world awesome?
We can cry about it, or we can dance about it.
We were made to be awesome!
You've just been pep talked!
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