MARK SNYDER IS ALIVE and LEUKEMIA FREE!!
One year ago -
Easter morning, April 8th, I was sitting beside by husbands bed in the ER. He was laying as still as possible to try and work though the radiating full-body pain he had been experiencing for hours. Once my children were picked up by Grandma and Grandpa by lunch time - It was so quite. I was praying. Praying for peace, for direction for the doctors and praying to be home soon. "HOME SOON." - What a thought! I don't know how many hundreds of times this year I have thought I want to just: "be at home with Mark." Little did I know that we were starting a 41-day hospitalization followed by months and months of being in and out of the hospitals and cancer clinics - plus spending 5 months in Seattle for a bone marrow transplant.
Who knew our lives were changing forever?
I have wished many times that I could go back to the 7th of April 2012 and take a snap shot of my perspective of the future. A snip-it of my outlook of our future without the fear and doubts I now have. Fears and doubts that no matter how hard I try I cannot make go away completely. I know that this is a dumb wish. We can't go back. Things happen in our lives and they mold us and make us who we will be tomorrow. There is no hope in looking back. Hope is for today and for our future. But it would be nice sometimes to just go back to a time when I was ignorant to the fear, damage and heartache cancer brings into your life and leaves even after it appears to be gone.
Over the next two days...
Mark would undergo every test I have ever heard referenced on a TV medical show. They were looking at everything. From a simple nose/throat swap to using every type of scanning and X-ray machine - even a bone marrow biopsy. By Monday afternoon it was clear we were dealing with something serious. Wednesday morning the 11th of April, we had our first of what I call "tunnel vision" conversations. Our oncologist came in and delivered the Leukemia diagnosis and the whole room shrank. My vision narrowed until all I could hear and process where the words rapidly coming out of his mouth. My guard went up, my adrenaline was cranking and I went into crisis-management mode. I did not know then but I would have many more of these "tunnel vision" experiences over the next year as we learned the full scope of what was going on in Mark's body and how challenging the "treatment" was. Not to mention all the "side effects" that come with it.
Was I sad and scared? Yes. Did I want to fold up in a ball and cry? Yes. But there was no time for that - there were treatments to discuss, plans to make, calendars and charts to create.... could I color-code and organize cancer away? Oh yeah, and I had a husband to comfort and help focus in. I needed to let him know I was right by his side, I wasn't going anywhere and there was NOTHING we couldn't beat with God on our side. That NO matter what happened - we were going to be alright. Our lives had always "worked out" so far - why should we doubt now! No, we were going to take this head-on and not look back. We had work to do baby! TO GOD BE THE GLORY we are going to move forward in His strength! We weren't as bad off as Job and he was able to praise God!
I remember memorizing lots of information that I was being told and reading those first few days, making lots of plans and praying A LOT. I went home Wednesday night - spent some time reading about the miracle healings in the new testament. I have had a unwavering faith in God since my teenage years. I knew that when I needed the miracle power of God in my life, healing or otherwise, all I had to do was ask. I had the "faith as small as a mustard seed" I knelt by my bed and pulled out my "trump" card. I asked God for my miracle: Move the Leukemia mountain! Mark needed complete and immediate healing. Do something great God and shock those Dr.s - I want them to come back in disbelief, the cancer has left him - HE IS FINE and he can go home!
I went to the hospital the next day - it didn't happen.
No Miracle... yet. I was sad. I kept praying and asking God for help. Each day knowing the Holy Spirit was guiding and upholding me. Keeping both Mark and I going. It wasn't until several days, even a week or so later, after the diagnosis fog lifted - that I realized what God was saying back to us. "I love you and Mark so much. Do you see all the things I put in place for you before this happened? I LOVE YOU. I knew this challenge was coming and I'm right here, and will be every step of the way" Even though I had the faith, the mountain in front of us could not be moved because God was holding it down with is thumb saying, "I need both of you to walk over it, you are strong enough - I will provide a way" As I accepted the path we would have to walk, I started praying for opportunities for God to "make it worth it." I will walk it Lord but you better use it!
The Lord is faithful!!
I can't tell you how true that statement is! God has taught us a lot on this mountain journey together. If I listed all the things he has taught us, all of the people we were able to meet and encourage along our journey, tell you all the stories of those that have encouraged us and about all of the provision and promises he has delivered - my post would be SO long. I will take the next couple of weeks and post a sort of retrospective review of many of the things we have seen and experienced from God on this year long hike. Stay tuned...
Beating cancer is tough!
Not only does it require lots of mental strength and stamina but an overwhelming sense of optimism that you can make it to the other side. It takes an unwavering faith in the Great Healer and the support of your Dr.s, family and friends. But then when you actually achieve remission and feel as if you have "arrived" on the other side you look down and realize - yes, you are ALIVE…. and oh so thankful - but you are broken. Things in your head don't work so well. Your focus and emotions are wacky. Your body is beat up. Your feet (in Mark's case) are numb and awkward leaving you with many challenges to overcome. Cancer leaves you worn and tattered. You are torn between OVERWHELMING thankfulness for life and the heartbreak that there is no guarantee how long it will last. You're thankful for the blessing of more time to watch your children grow, to love your wife, to LIVE but you are also left with the side effects. The collateral damage of remission and the "treatment" that just don't end. Things improve or change but they just don't go away. There is no "back to normal." It is tough.
Is it possible to be optimistic and find JOY among all the heartbreak and fear? Is it possible to embrace the hope God gives us for our future? Is it possible to rise each day and attack your day experiencing everything you can? Is it possible to stay positive and encourage others with your experiences? YES! - but it is all hard! It's a daily choice: to embrace your life, going forward with the joy of His spirit. Mark and I are both committed to choosing a positive grace filled outlook on life, and each day choosing it again.
Last year we were surviving.
In May of last year I decided I would give Leukemia one year of our life to mess up. For those of you who know me I know this makes you smile. Leave it to Karen to limit cancer. To put it in a box and give it a label and time frame. Yep! I'm not sure what I though I would do if we didn't reach remission and get though treatment by the one year mark... count to 5? Give it a time out? Who knows... what I do know is that I was giving it One year. I could survive one year. We needed a plan and I knew it would be a long hike. I committed that I would do my best to stay positive and just keep holding on for one year - then I wanted progress and freedom from it all.
As we hit the one year mark - I have a new goal: living with purpose. Saying "YES" as much as I can, focus on experiencing life. We are going to check off our list things we want to do before our kids are grown and we are "old." (a relative term for us now) We are focusing on living - not surviving. It will be a choice we have to make each day, knowing the Holy Spirit is guiding and upholding us each step of the journey!
So here's to the next year of our journey - being in remmsision from Leukemia and a bone marrow transplant survivor! May it be filled with blessings beyond measure and may we grow in our relationship with the Lord and as a family!
May the Lord bless each of you that reads this testimony (blog) and the families you represent. May you be strengthened in your faith by seeing what God has done for us and may you embrace the JOY the Holy Spirit has for you - no matter what your situation or circumstance may be. God is good, ALL the time, and oh so worthy of all the Glory and Praise we can give.
