It has been a long time since I have written. I would like to say it is becuase I am BUSY - but that isn't a good reason. I would like to say it is because there hasn't been enough to write about - but that isn't true. I think the truth is that this life Mark and I have been given is hard and takes work. We have to live through things we don't want to. Things that are no fun to "blog" about. But at the same time we have times of great joy and overwhelming blessing. Those also can be hard to blog about in the shadow of great sorrow. We have been concentrating on living..... we have been reaching hard for the goal of making each day COUNT.
CATCH UP -
November and Thanksgiving came and went. Full of family and memories and really pretty good health for Mark (considering). To be all together with MARK'S WHOLE family around one table was a true blessing!
December was filled with more family memories and wonderful winter things. Christmas together with my family was a welcomed gift over last year! In our home, together, safe, joyful and mostly healthy! WONDERFUL!
January started out strong. Busy at work, boys back to school from Christmas break. New years resolutions, organization and goal setting.
It all came to a GRINDING halt when we got the news that our dear friend, Leland's cancer was back and so was the GVHD! They had fought so HARD and for SO long right beside us that is was devastating. They were so far away in Seattle.... it was rough. They were brave and strong and made the difficult decision to embrace the choice to switch to only comfort care and made a trip with their 3-year-old daughter to Disneyland to see the princesses. He truly powered through and after returning to Seattle one last time he MADE IT HOME. We were hoping for weeks to visit and "say goodbye" We only got 2 days and a few hours with him in the end. It was his wish, their plan together and Gods gift for Lee to be surrounded by friends and family in his own home to bravely, gracefully and peacefully take his final breaths.
The days and weeks that followed were a blur of sorrow mixed with relief. His fight was over. My dear friend and fellow cancer/transplant wife-warrior was also done with her cancer journey. She was done.... but she was alone. She was so brave and strong. She was also broken and still is. In some ways she always will be. Her faith is unwavering and she is COMMITTED to living joyfully and fully because God is with her, here baby girl needs her to and Lee wouldn't be happy with anything less! Remember her in your prayers. Her road is tough.
To quote an earlier post about another dear friends passing. The words apply:
"She is living my worst nightmare - one I have had to image living myself. She is often in my prayers and I am encouraged by her strength and unwavering faith... It has reminded Mark and I to LIVE. To not take for granted the time we have, that life is a gift and it is about serving others."
February was clouded with Lee's passing. It was hard to grasp. It was hard to fully process. I was numb and thankful for Mark's health all at the same time in a crazy bag of mixed emotions. After January my group of fellow transplant/cancer wives was now filled with beautiful, brave and faithful widows - and I was oh so sad and confused at the same time. My Mark was here and their husbands were not. God and I had many talks the weeks after Lee passed about what was fair and what I don't understand about his grace and the challenges of this life. I am working on peace - I'm working through the whys... but one thing I know for sure is I have Mark and each day need to love on him and remember to live-it-up with him!
By mid month we headed to San Diego on a vacation that was planned months before. It was wonderful family time. Best vacation ever! We are blessed! God is good. It was a fun-filled, schedule-packed 7 days that couldn't have been better. It will forever be in all 4 of our memory banks as a time when we were happy, healthy and blessed to be together.
March has been busy. Mark continues to feel better and continues to taper off his steroids. With little to no GVHD. Another past blog post quote, that still holds true:
"There are less days when I am fearful of the "odds" and "likely possible outcomes" always looking for "marked improvement" and more days of hope-filled, God given optimism and dreams of our future together -- and boy, does it feel GOOD!"
That brings us to April and to this night .... the eve of his 2 year leukemia anniversary.
As I look back I found this entry from last year:
Who knew our lives were changing forever?
"I
have wished many times that I could go back to the 7th of April 2012
and take a snap shot of my perspective of the future. A snip-it of my
outlook of our future without the fear and doubts I now have. Fears and
doubts that no matter how hard I try I cannot make go away completely. I
know that this is a dumb wish. We can't go back. Things happen in our
lives and they mold us and make us who we will be tomorrow. There is no hope in looking back. Hope is for today and for our future. But it would be nice sometimes to just go back to a time when I was ignorant to the fear, damage and heartache cancer brings into your life and never leaves even when the tests show no 'blast cells'."
2 YEARS IS A LONG TIME!
More time that I thought we would have together.
It is a long time to struggle and pray for a different future.
It is a long time to focus on taking it one day at a time.
YET
- it isn't long enough time to forget the pain of that first week -
after diagnosis. I still feel the pain in my stomach and the wave of grief
that comes over me brings tears to my eyes. Funny how time passes, you press forward, struggle,
grow, succeed, morn, thrive and live with faith but somethings will
forever be burned into your memory. We have come a long way in 2 years
and I am optimistic as we start another year as a Cancer SURVIVING
family! Mark is leading the way as our anchor, our hope, our daddy and love!
We are strong, joyful and looking with faith into the future. We
are going after our LIFE! We are rocking what we've got and never
forgetting GOD is GOOD and we are THANKFUL!
From last years post:
Year 1 - we were surviving.
"I decided I would give Leukemia one year of our life to mess up.... survive one year. We needed a plan and I knew it would be a long hike. I committed that I would do my best to stay positive and just keep holding on for one year - then I wanted progress and freedom from it all."
Year 2 - new goal: living with purpose.
Saying "YES" as much as I can, focus on experiencing life. We are going to check off our list things we want to do before our kids are grown and we are "old." (a relative term for us now) We are focusing on living - not surviving. It will be a choice we have to make each day, knowing the Holy Spirit is guiding and upholding us each step of the journey!
Year 3 - living for the LONG TERM.
It is time to face the facts people: Mark is reaching goals and beating the odds! Truly beating them. The doctors were honest about our chances of long-term survival and when others around us are proving those horrible odds to be true - Mark is BEATING THEM. He is getting stronger all the time. We still have challenges. There are things to overcome and wade through but we are doing it with our eyes fixed on a target that isn't just one day at a time or even one week. It is 2, 3, even 6 months ahead. It is:
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!
Don't forget to be thankful this week. Take time to be silly, be happy. Give those things of this life that bring you down - only a small part of your time and attention. Fill the rest of your mind and heart with the "good" this life has to offer. Love on your family. Forgive those who bring you grief. Breathe deep and be generous. Play to your strengths and rock what you've got!
We decide who we will be each day: Bitter, angry, compromised and defeated by life's challenges - or filled with the joy from above, choosing to do what we know we should, even though we don't want to - knowing that the Lord will carry us and the result of our choice will lead us to a more rich life.
Monday, April 07, 2014
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Long TIME - Busy TIME
It has been a LONG TIME since I have posted. Sorry.
This last 6 weeks + have been a BUSY TIME.
We had a WONDERFUL time with our friends and family celebrating Marks One Year Transplant Anniversary!! It was a LONG TIME coming and we felt so loved and supported. It was really nice to be able to thank everyone who could come - in person. We are BLESSED!
The day after the celebration we headed out for a LONG week in Seattle. Mark was a champ - making it through so many test and scans with a smile intact. While we didn't doubt it, we were very happy to know that his bone marrow is still 100% free of cancer cells! Praise be to God! The doctors (awesome doctor and nurse team) confirmed what we already knew/guessed:
We have seen fellow transplanters who have gotten too much GVHD all at once and not survived. We also had to watch our dear transplant friends (Lee and Bekah) walk the road of not enough transplanted cell activity and GVHD to effectively keep Leukemia away. They got the devastating news in mid September that his cancer was back and have since moved back to Seattle (in our/their same apartment) to be part of a trial treatment with good outcomes of remission. He is FIGHTING hard and we are praying and hoping for the best. Please include them in your prayers. They are on a path we know some of and it is HARD, LONG and TOUGH! Pray!!
We had time for a little fun in Seattle - Space needle, dinner with friends, dinner/movie date night.
We have been extremely BUSY. Between school, soccer, cross country, church, Karen working more, Mark manning the home-front, doctor appointments, new drugs, physical therapy, managing drug side effects, trying to keep muscle and fat on Mark and trying not to let the house or my mind fall apart in the mean-time has been a challenge. I am super tired and sometimes grumpy. I am finding it hard to just be happy and let things go.
When Mark got the lung infection and increased GVHD in August followed by Seattle our future became more defined for me. I felt like we were really getting into a groove of happiness and normal-ness in the weeks prior - this summer. When he started not feeling well I had to come to terms again with the fact that Mark/his family is/are going to have to deal with health issues for a LONG TIME. That the life I thought I would always have and planned for would be very different. That for as long as Mark is living (which I pray is LONG and oh so filled with happiness) his doctors and therapy will be a part of our life. That his drugs and their side effects are going to be apart of our lives. All of these things are going to be here to steal our time, sometimes our joy and our sanity. To be truly happy again we are going to have to deal with them and learn to live WITH them. This took the wind out of my sails for a few weeks.... and to be honest I'm not yet sailing forward at full speed. This time it might take me a while. This time it is not about saying "good bye" to Mark any time soon but yet saying "Hello" to the new transplant survivor, strong, drug filled, determined Mark and trying to say "welcome" to this new life of LONG-TERM disease/health management.
The dreamer, planner and detail management part of me is feeling sad and deflated by this realization. At the same time the - pick your self up and find your boot straps, work for a better tomorrow part of me is ready to take on this challenge and "rock what I've got!" I'm trying to tell myself to hang on and keep moving forward. I know better tomorrows lay ahead and soon ALL the parts of me will be ready to take on my life with JOY for tomorrow!
Pray for Mark's health. Pray for my smart, wonderful, silly and brave boys. Pray for my BUSY schedule and for my mind and heart to be encouraged.
I promise not not wait so long to post again.
This last 6 weeks + have been a BUSY TIME.
We had a WONDERFUL time with our friends and family celebrating Marks One Year Transplant Anniversary!! It was a LONG TIME coming and we felt so loved and supported. It was really nice to be able to thank everyone who could come - in person. We are BLESSED!
The day after the celebration we headed out for a LONG week in Seattle. Mark was a champ - making it through so many test and scans with a smile intact. While we didn't doubt it, we were very happy to know that his bone marrow is still 100% free of cancer cells! Praise be to God! The doctors (awesome doctor and nurse team) confirmed what we already knew/guessed:
- Mark has Graft vs Host Disease (GVHD) in his skin, mouth, gut and lungs.
- Mark is going to be on prednisone (steroids) for a LONG TIME more. (at least till April 2014)
- Mark is going to be on immune suppressors (Tacrolimus) for a LONG TIME more. (at least 3 months after successfully completing a steroid taper)
- Mark needs to be particular about what he eats - trying to continually gain weight, needs to continue to avoid germs and public and needs to continue physical therapy.
- Mark will not be back to working for a while.
- Mark is doing really well (all things considered)
- Mark is beating the odds. He had a nearly 40% chance of NOT living to see his first Transplant anniversary. Thank you Jesus!
We have seen fellow transplanters who have gotten too much GVHD all at once and not survived. We also had to watch our dear transplant friends (Lee and Bekah) walk the road of not enough transplanted cell activity and GVHD to effectively keep Leukemia away. They got the devastating news in mid September that his cancer was back and have since moved back to Seattle (in our/their same apartment) to be part of a trial treatment with good outcomes of remission. He is FIGHTING hard and we are praying and hoping for the best. Please include them in your prayers. They are on a path we know some of and it is HARD, LONG and TOUGH! Pray!!
We had time for a little fun in Seattle - Space needle, dinner with friends, dinner/movie date night.
We have been extremely BUSY. Between school, soccer, cross country, church, Karen working more, Mark manning the home-front, doctor appointments, new drugs, physical therapy, managing drug side effects, trying to keep muscle and fat on Mark and trying not to let the house or my mind fall apart in the mean-time has been a challenge. I am super tired and sometimes grumpy. I am finding it hard to just be happy and let things go.
When Mark got the lung infection and increased GVHD in August followed by Seattle our future became more defined for me. I felt like we were really getting into a groove of happiness and normal-ness in the weeks prior - this summer. When he started not feeling well I had to come to terms again with the fact that Mark/his family is/are going to have to deal with health issues for a LONG TIME. That the life I thought I would always have and planned for would be very different. That for as long as Mark is living (which I pray is LONG and oh so filled with happiness) his doctors and therapy will be a part of our life. That his drugs and their side effects are going to be apart of our lives. All of these things are going to be here to steal our time, sometimes our joy and our sanity. To be truly happy again we are going to have to deal with them and learn to live WITH them. This took the wind out of my sails for a few weeks.... and to be honest I'm not yet sailing forward at full speed. This time it might take me a while. This time it is not about saying "good bye" to Mark any time soon but yet saying "Hello" to the new transplant survivor, strong, drug filled, determined Mark and trying to say "welcome" to this new life of LONG-TERM disease/health management.
The dreamer, planner and detail management part of me is feeling sad and deflated by this realization. At the same time the - pick your self up and find your boot straps, work for a better tomorrow part of me is ready to take on this challenge and "rock what I've got!" I'm trying to tell myself to hang on and keep moving forward. I know better tomorrows lay ahead and soon ALL the parts of me will be ready to take on my life with JOY for tomorrow!
Pray for Mark's health. Pray for my smart, wonderful, silly and brave boys. Pray for my BUSY schedule and for my mind and heart to be encouraged.
I promise not not wait so long to post again.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
Health Update + Party Time
The not-so fun stuff:
I realize the last update did not include much about Mark's health. Since about the end of July we have been noticing some out-of-the-ordinary symptoms. Nothing too big but they started to create quite a long list. About the third week of August, Mark started having lung pain and fevers as well as some significant weight loss.
Those symptoms, added to the long list, were enough to make our Oncologist order a CT scan - which resulted in a pneumonia (fluid in lungs) diagnosis. Antibiotic medication followed with little change to Marks pain and coughing. Next, Mark got to enjoy a lung scope - they took samples of fluid and tissue. The evening after the lung scope, fevers sent us to the ER and we were admitted to the hospital for 2 days. ALL the different doctors got a chance to look at Mark closely - even involving the Seattle Super Doctors - we now have some answers.
Mark has Graft vs Host Disease (GVHD) of the lungs. Treatment is high dose steroids. We are glad to have his symptoms figured out and feel more in control with a protocol to follow - but we do not enjoy the side effects of the steroids. Prednisone (in these doses) make you feel hyperactive and like everything is amplified. It is hard to focus and rest. If things are loud they seem REALLY loud to Mark. If something is a little annoying it is SUPER annoying to Mark. We have been here before, we know how to handle this. Lots of teamwork and understanding. We use patience and humor and do just fine. Mark is actually talking at "Karen speed" these days! (hard to believe, I know!)
We are headed to Seattle on the 23rd of this month for Mark's 1 year post-transplant review. We will have lots of tests done and ask questions of the Super Doctors to find out more about Lung GVHD in the long term. Those doctors have seen this many times before and will have lots of info for us.
Now for the fun stuff:
We are excited to host a party for Mark's 1 year post-transplant anniversary! See the invite below and PLEASE come! The more the merrier! We want to say "thank you" to all the donors and supporters we've been blessed to have this past year. Please spread the word. All are invited - let's make this a great day of celebration and thanksgiving for everyone who has followed us on this journey and been apart of our story this past year!
I realize the last update did not include much about Mark's health. Since about the end of July we have been noticing some out-of-the-ordinary symptoms. Nothing too big but they started to create quite a long list. About the third week of August, Mark started having lung pain and fevers as well as some significant weight loss.
Those symptoms, added to the long list, were enough to make our Oncologist order a CT scan - which resulted in a pneumonia (fluid in lungs) diagnosis. Antibiotic medication followed with little change to Marks pain and coughing. Next, Mark got to enjoy a lung scope - they took samples of fluid and tissue. The evening after the lung scope, fevers sent us to the ER and we were admitted to the hospital for 2 days. ALL the different doctors got a chance to look at Mark closely - even involving the Seattle Super Doctors - we now have some answers.
Mark has Graft vs Host Disease (GVHD) of the lungs. Treatment is high dose steroids. We are glad to have his symptoms figured out and feel more in control with a protocol to follow - but we do not enjoy the side effects of the steroids. Prednisone (in these doses) make you feel hyperactive and like everything is amplified. It is hard to focus and rest. If things are loud they seem REALLY loud to Mark. If something is a little annoying it is SUPER annoying to Mark. We have been here before, we know how to handle this. Lots of teamwork and understanding. We use patience and humor and do just fine. Mark is actually talking at "Karen speed" these days! (hard to believe, I know!)
We are headed to Seattle on the 23rd of this month for Mark's 1 year post-transplant review. We will have lots of tests done and ask questions of the Super Doctors to find out more about Lung GVHD in the long term. Those doctors have seen this many times before and will have lots of info for us.
_______________________
Now for the fun stuff:
We are excited to host a party for Mark's 1 year post-transplant anniversary! See the invite below and PLEASE come! The more the merrier! We want to say "thank you" to all the donors and supporters we've been blessed to have this past year. Please spread the word. All are invited - let's make this a great day of celebration and thanksgiving for everyone who has followed us on this journey and been apart of our story this past year!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Summer and Rocking What We've Got!
Sorry that my last post was so long ago - seriously too long - before Memorial day?! (I have lots to share that I've been storing up until I had enough time free to write... might want to get a snack... you'll be here a while)
When I was a teenager something fun I used to do to distinguish "Summer-time" was to wear my flip-flops everyday and only order iced rather than hot coffees, between Memorial Day and Labor Day. This "summer" has been distinguished differently. While I have still worn my flip-flops a lot and consumed plenty of iced coffees - we have been busying LIVING… our goal this year. We've been trying to live purposely, make new friendships, strengthen our family and find opportunities to laugh and play together.
We started the summer by welcoming our dear friends, The Johnson family, home from their Seattle BM transplant. Lee coming home was an answer to prayer! Having Bekah and Lee with us through the Leukemia and bone marrow transplant journey has been such a blessing. Bekah always understands, supports, offers a shoulder for crying, sarcasm for cheer, hugs for comfort and encouraging chats that end up pointing us both toward Jesus and toward positive attitudes about our lives and our "boys". Lee and Mark have a bond like no other. They have both been to a very similar dark place and made it to the other side. A bond that is hard to understand - but a bond all the same. Thank you Jesus for the Johnson's.
By the second week of June the boys were done with school. Mark and the boys have enjoyed mini golf, I-Max movies and carnival rides with their summer passes to Riverfront Park. They did swimming lessons at the Y. We celebrated Father's day at home together. My heart was full of gratitude. We were an intact family with a wonderful (mostly healthy) daddy to celebrate and love on. It was great.
June ended and July started while we were on vacation to the Washington coast. We stayed for a few days, did lots of beach playing, beach fire with hotdogs and s'mores, fireworks and a little time with Grandpa and Grandma Snyder. A quick trip to the Oregon Zoo and back home wrapped up a PERFECT family vacation. Mark's birthday had new meaning this year. Made us think about how thankful we are to have another year and what potential we have to make the next year awesome. Mark's favorite gift = a Remote Control Car! The boys then got a retro-fitted 20-year-old RC car from Grandpa Schlatter and really enjoy racing with daddy out front of our house in the warm summer evenings. There was a week of Vacation Bible School and a long weekend for the boys at Grandma and Grandpa Snyders in the middle of July. Mark and I also celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary in style and had a great time. Much improvement over last year's 10 year anniversary in the U of W ER all night. (I can smile about it now!) Elijah enjoyed T-ball through the end of July. He did a great job and had a bunch of fun. WOW July was BUSY!
August was here before we knew it. Both boys had their tonsils removed and we all enjoyed about 10 days of down time. Eating popsicles, watching movies and just being a family. We are quickly approaching back to school time. Trying to cram a few more things into our summer. This momma still has a few tricks up her sleeve - at least one giant water balloon fight, some yummy BBQ dinners and of course several more evenings of popsicles on the porch!
The summer was not all "highs" we did have a few lows. One being when a fellow transplanter, a truly wonderful Christian man, husband and father - was ushered out of this life and his failing body to the streets of Heaven. The following was a tough couple of weeks. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think of his dear wife and children. She is living my worst nightmare - one I have had to image living myself. She is often in my prayers and I am encouraged by her strength and unwavering faith. Their relationship, his outlook on life and love for his children and others have inspired me. It has reminded Mark and I to LIVE. To not take for granted the time we have, that life is a gift and it is about serving others.
Another TRUTH this journey has brought to light for me is that life is about "them." It is about making life awesome for those around us. Encouraging our children. Serving our family. Honoring our husbands and loving everyone as much as we can. It is our job to encourage, problem solve, be strong and steer others toward the Giver of unending joy. If at the end of our lives "they" can say we tried our best to do all of those things to honor our Creator - then I can't imaging anything better.
A lesson I am continuing to learn: We have the ability to decide. Even when you don't like the hand you are dealt you can still choose to be happy. You CAN find joy. Once you set your mind on being happy something wonderful happens = you become happy. God made our minds strong and powerful. When we put on a smile and tell ourselves it will be alright - we CAN be happy. I'm committed to being happy. I know that you can be too!
The more that I focus on my attitude, the path my life has taken, the power I have to change my situation and the grace that God gives us to try again and again to get it right; the more I am sure of a few things:
One year ago this week, we were moving to Seattle for Mark's bone marrow transplant. Mark was undergoing SO many tests and getting ready to prep his body to receive the new stem cells. I am tempted to look back and be sad. To re-live those days and feel all over again the pain that we came through. But instead I am choosing to look forward! To September 21, 2013 and celebrating the one year anniversary of Transplant. Rejoicing that my boys have their daddy and I have a husband by my side. Looking forward to a life full of moments to give to others. To spread joy and to LIVE together.
Don't miss a chance to give this week. Don't forget to be thankful, be silly, be happy. Give those things of this life that bring you down - only a small part of your time and attention. Fill the rest of your mind and heart with the "good" this life has to offer. Love on your family. Forgive those who bring you grief. Breath deep and be generous. Play to your strengths and rock what you've got!
When I was a teenager something fun I used to do to distinguish "Summer-time" was to wear my flip-flops everyday and only order iced rather than hot coffees, between Memorial Day and Labor Day. This "summer" has been distinguished differently. While I have still worn my flip-flops a lot and consumed plenty of iced coffees - we have been busying LIVING… our goal this year. We've been trying to live purposely, make new friendships, strengthen our family and find opportunities to laugh and play together.
We started the summer by welcoming our dear friends, The Johnson family, home from their Seattle BM transplant. Lee coming home was an answer to prayer! Having Bekah and Lee with us through the Leukemia and bone marrow transplant journey has been such a blessing. Bekah always understands, supports, offers a shoulder for crying, sarcasm for cheer, hugs for comfort and encouraging chats that end up pointing us both toward Jesus and toward positive attitudes about our lives and our "boys". Lee and Mark have a bond like no other. They have both been to a very similar dark place and made it to the other side. A bond that is hard to understand - but a bond all the same. Thank you Jesus for the Johnson's.
By the second week of June the boys were done with school. Mark and the boys have enjoyed mini golf, I-Max movies and carnival rides with their summer passes to Riverfront Park. They did swimming lessons at the Y. We celebrated Father's day at home together. My heart was full of gratitude. We were an intact family with a wonderful (mostly healthy) daddy to celebrate and love on. It was great.
 |
| Summer hair cuts. |
June ended and July started while we were on vacation to the Washington coast. We stayed for a few days, did lots of beach playing, beach fire with hotdogs and s'mores, fireworks and a little time with Grandpa and Grandma Snyder. A quick trip to the Oregon Zoo and back home wrapped up a PERFECT family vacation. Mark's birthday had new meaning this year. Made us think about how thankful we are to have another year and what potential we have to make the next year awesome. Mark's favorite gift = a Remote Control Car! The boys then got a retro-fitted 20-year-old RC car from Grandpa Schlatter and really enjoy racing with daddy out front of our house in the warm summer evenings. There was a week of Vacation Bible School and a long weekend for the boys at Grandma and Grandpa Snyders in the middle of July. Mark and I also celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary in style and had a great time. Much improvement over last year's 10 year anniversary in the U of W ER all night. (I can smile about it now!) Elijah enjoyed T-ball through the end of July. He did a great job and had a bunch of fun. WOW July was BUSY!
 |
| 11th Anniversary! |
August was here before we knew it. Both boys had their tonsils removed and we all enjoyed about 10 days of down time. Eating popsicles, watching movies and just being a family. We are quickly approaching back to school time. Trying to cram a few more things into our summer. This momma still has a few tricks up her sleeve - at least one giant water balloon fight, some yummy BBQ dinners and of course several more evenings of popsicles on the porch!
The summer was not all "highs" we did have a few lows. One being when a fellow transplanter, a truly wonderful Christian man, husband and father - was ushered out of this life and his failing body to the streets of Heaven. The following was a tough couple of weeks. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think of his dear wife and children. She is living my worst nightmare - one I have had to image living myself. She is often in my prayers and I am encouraged by her strength and unwavering faith. Their relationship, his outlook on life and love for his children and others have inspired me. It has reminded Mark and I to LIVE. To not take for granted the time we have, that life is a gift and it is about serving others.
Another TRUTH this journey has brought to light for me is that life is about "them." It is about making life awesome for those around us. Encouraging our children. Serving our family. Honoring our husbands and loving everyone as much as we can. It is our job to encourage, problem solve, be strong and steer others toward the Giver of unending joy. If at the end of our lives "they" can say we tried our best to do all of those things to honor our Creator - then I can't imaging anything better.
A lesson I am continuing to learn: We have the ability to decide. Even when you don't like the hand you are dealt you can still choose to be happy. You CAN find joy. Once you set your mind on being happy something wonderful happens = you become happy. God made our minds strong and powerful. When we put on a smile and tell ourselves it will be alright - we CAN be happy. I'm committed to being happy. I know that you can be too!
The more that I focus on my attitude, the path my life has taken, the power I have to change my situation and the grace that God gives us to try again and again to get it right; the more I am sure of a few things:
- I know that I was wonderfully made. I was made to be creative. My soul is alive when I am creating.
- I was made with a large aptitude for JOY. I can usually always find something to be positive about. To find joy in the midst of pain I know is a gift from God.
- I am an inviter. I like to include others and bring them happiness. It doesn't matter if they can't come or won't join in…. I still invite and invite again. I enjoy sharing my life and getting to know how others live. Life is GOOD we need to share it with others.
- I can change the mood of those around me with my attitude. When I choose to be happy those around me benefit too. There is pain in this life but there is always two choices of how to react to it. Choose wisely - there is a lot riding on it!
One year ago this week, we were moving to Seattle for Mark's bone marrow transplant. Mark was undergoing SO many tests and getting ready to prep his body to receive the new stem cells. I am tempted to look back and be sad. To re-live those days and feel all over again the pain that we came through. But instead I am choosing to look forward! To September 21, 2013 and celebrating the one year anniversary of Transplant. Rejoicing that my boys have their daddy and I have a husband by my side. Looking forward to a life full of moments to give to others. To spread joy and to LIVE together.
Don't miss a chance to give this week. Don't forget to be thankful, be silly, be happy. Give those things of this life that bring you down - only a small part of your time and attention. Fill the rest of your mind and heart with the "good" this life has to offer. Love on your family. Forgive those who bring you grief. Breath deep and be generous. Play to your strengths and rock what you've got!
Monday, May 27, 2013
Seen & Learned Vol. 1 + Remission Anniversary
I told you I would share things I've seen and learned this past year.
Ways that I have seen God move, things I have experienced to know Gods
word to be true. Things that have challenged me to live more intentionally...
Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay
Woke my weary head
Crawled out of my bed
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Nothing's going right, shadow's took the light
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Sometimes I need a little sunshine
And sometimes I need you
Hope for a better day
A little love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay
(Everything's Okay, Lenka)
I've learned that this is literally the voice of many wives, mothers, sisters and daughters out there that have to deal with the serious illness of their loved one each day. They are serving, loving and praying someone though the darkest part of their life. They are relying on everything they've got and the hope that when all they have runs out - they will be able to just stand and hold on. To stand tall enough and long enough for the storm to pass.
This realization came only through seeing it first hand. Being right there with these women and knowing their fear, pain and weariness. Yet also their strength, determination and humor. God made women STRONG and He is faithful to uphold us.
I am blessed by the women's stories I have read, and blessed by the woman I have met on this journey. I thank them for their words and pray that those who read our story and my honest thoughts will be blessed in return. There is a great deal of need for compassion in this world. Pray for those that are hurting, grieving, enduring and healing. Take time this week to think of others before yourself, be team-players, and DON'T complain! If you put it into perspective I bet you don't really have that much to complain about. Embrace an attitude of joy and thankfulness. Choose to share love each day. Be SO thankful for the blessings and health you have.
We are thankful in the Snyder house that as of last week we now have a husband and daddy 1 year in remission from Leukemia! It has been ONE WHOLE YEAR since they have found even a trace of Leukemia in his marrow. He is getting stronger everyday! He even started running on the treadmill in physical therapy - a huge accomplishment since he hasn't been able to do so for over a year! I am so proud of him and SO encouraged by his effort and strength!
Mark has embraced this current phase in life. He has become a stay-at-home-dad most weekdays and is making them most of them. It may not be what he would have chosen or seen himself doing but he is sure finding his groove. He has a summer full of FUN planned for his boys. He is working on physical strength as well as physical and mental stamina each week - with the hope of returning to, at least part-time, work this fall. Things are starting to balance out and for the first time in over a year I find myself day-dreaming again about our future as a family. There are less days when I am fearful of the "odds" and "likely possible outcomes" always looking for "marked improvement" and more days of hope-filled, God given optimism and dreams of our future together -- and boy, does it feel GOOD!
Life can get tough - really tough but you CAN endure. You CAN rise above. You CAN choose to trust God. You CAN find your boot straps and pull yourself up. You CAN keep going and not give-in to the doubt and fear that this world would like to fool us into believing is our only option.
It is with joy-filled tears (knowing what God has brought us through) that I tell you - "Don't be defined by your circumstances, by the challenges ahead of you - persevere! Trust God to lead you, embrace His way of living and NOTHING will keep you down. Stand tall and know you are strong enough!"
Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay
Woke my weary head
Crawled out of my bed
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Nothing's going right, shadow's took the light
And I said, "Oh, how do I go on?"
Sometimes I need a little sunshine
And sometimes I need you
Hope for a better day
A little love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything's okay
(Everything's Okay, Lenka)
I've learned that this is literally the voice of many wives, mothers, sisters and daughters out there that have to deal with the serious illness of their loved one each day. They are serving, loving and praying someone though the darkest part of their life. They are relying on everything they've got and the hope that when all they have runs out - they will be able to just stand and hold on. To stand tall enough and long enough for the storm to pass.
This realization came only through seeing it first hand. Being right there with these women and knowing their fear, pain and weariness. Yet also their strength, determination and humor. God made women STRONG and He is faithful to uphold us.
I am blessed by the women's stories I have read, and blessed by the woman I have met on this journey. I thank them for their words and pray that those who read our story and my honest thoughts will be blessed in return. There is a great deal of need for compassion in this world. Pray for those that are hurting, grieving, enduring and healing. Take time this week to think of others before yourself, be team-players, and DON'T complain! If you put it into perspective I bet you don't really have that much to complain about. Embrace an attitude of joy and thankfulness. Choose to share love each day. Be SO thankful for the blessings and health you have.
We are thankful in the Snyder house that as of last week we now have a husband and daddy 1 year in remission from Leukemia! It has been ONE WHOLE YEAR since they have found even a trace of Leukemia in his marrow. He is getting stronger everyday! He even started running on the treadmill in physical therapy - a huge accomplishment since he hasn't been able to do so for over a year! I am so proud of him and SO encouraged by his effort and strength!
Mark has embraced this current phase in life. He has become a stay-at-home-dad most weekdays and is making them most of them. It may not be what he would have chosen or seen himself doing but he is sure finding his groove. He has a summer full of FUN planned for his boys. He is working on physical strength as well as physical and mental stamina each week - with the hope of returning to, at least part-time, work this fall. Things are starting to balance out and for the first time in over a year I find myself day-dreaming again about our future as a family. There are less days when I am fearful of the "odds" and "likely possible outcomes" always looking for "marked improvement" and more days of hope-filled, God given optimism and dreams of our future together -- and boy, does it feel GOOD!
Life can get tough - really tough but you CAN endure. You CAN rise above. You CAN choose to trust God. You CAN find your boot straps and pull yourself up. You CAN keep going and not give-in to the doubt and fear that this world would like to fool us into believing is our only option.
It is with joy-filled tears (knowing what God has brought us through) that I tell you - "Don't be defined by your circumstances, by the challenges ahead of you - persevere! Trust God to lead you, embrace His way of living and NOTHING will keep you down. Stand tall and know you are strong enough!"
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