4 years..... Did you say 4?

I am not really sure how to start a post when so much time has past since I last wrote about our journey. I know there are things I should share.... I did agree to be transparent about this journey in the hopes that it would bring glory to God and inspire others to keep fighting, one day at a time. But at the same time the things I have to share seem harder to get out then when Mark was really sick and there were medical updates and facts to share. The things that have happened in our journey the last two year (yes 2 YEARS!) have been internal, emotional, mental and involve our whole family. The Lord has been so faithful to our little family. There isn't a need He hasn't met - in His way, in His timing. But there has been deep sadness, great struggles, leaps of faith and daily work in the trenches. I will take the time this summer to write about those months - but tonight I am writing for a specific reason.

My heart is full of peace, joy and overwhelmed with gratitude that we are celebrating tomorrow! Four years ago, on May 18, 2012 we received our first clean bone marrow biopsy - putting Mark into remission from Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. We have had many bone marrow biopsy since and all have been clear. We have had MANY physical struggles since that day but never out of remission, and for that we are SO thankful. I wake up next to a miracle every day. Honestly the business and stress of life help me to forget this fact often. But Mark is a miracle. Today we pray in thanksgiving and praise to a Father who has brought us through - who has refined and strengthened us for His purpose.

Mark is doing so well. Minimal medication, doctor appointments are few and far between and he is getting strong! He has been snowboarding, backpacking, motorcycle riding, coaching and is playing on a soccer team and tearing it up! He is fast and pushes hard. (sometimes I have to look away - there is still apart of me that worries and is afraid he will break but it is only a small part of me - thankfully) Most importantly he is enjoying himself and feeling very much ALIVE again! I am so proud of him and so glad to be sharing this life with him. He is not just stronger physically but mentally too. He is learning to deal with less focus and patience than before treatment and succeeding. Working more hours, taking on many more responsibilities at home. He is growing in his relationship with me and his boys while inspiring others to fight. He is taking back his life and the precious things his treatment and cancer stole away - one day at a time. His progress is inspirational - I know how hard he has had to work to be where he is and I'm proud not just of how far he has come but also for how far I know he will go - he's not giving up - we are in this for the long run! We have been given years that others weren't and we are making them count: together, humbly, with honesty and learning to be vulnerable! I love you babe!

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The following are from previous posts right about this time of year:

Year 1 - we were surviving.
"I decided I would give Leukemia one year of our life to mess up.... survive one year. We needed a plan and I knew it would be a long hike. I committed that I would do my best to stay positive and just keep holding on for one year - then I wanted progress and freedom from it all." 

New goal: Year 2 - living with purpose.
"Saying "YES" as much as I can, focus on experiencing life. We are going to check off our list things we want to do before our kids are grown and we are "old." (a relative term for us now) We are focusing on living - not surviving. It will be a choice we have to make each day, knowing the Holy Spirit is guiding and upholding us each step of the journey!" 

Year 3 - living for the LONG TERM.
"It is time to face the facts people: Mark is reaching goals and beating the odds! Truly beating them. The doctors were honest about our chances of long-term survival and when others around us are proving those horrible odds to be true - Mark is BEATING THEM. He is getting stronger all the time. We still have challenges. There are things to overcome and wade through but we are doing it with our eyes fixed on a target that isn't just one day at a time or even one week. It is 2, 3, even 6 months ahead. It is: Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow!"
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Tonight as we reach the Year 4 mark, I would say that this last year was a year for healing. Not like the physical healing we (mostly Mark) had to do over and over - but spiritual, emotional and relational healing. We came home from Seattle a thankful but broken family. In body, spirit and mind. We had survived that first year, were able to focus on living again in year two, began to hope for the future year three but not until this last year did we start to recognize and deal with the tough, deep and lasting stuff. These are the things I will write more about this summer - you will be encouraged to see how God was moving through it all and guiding us.

Goal for YEAR 5?? - Be brave and open.
Open to come alongside others who are enduring a similar struggle. Opening our heart and minds to the awesomeness God has for us. Asking Him for goodness and expecting nothing less. Opening up to be vulnerable, take chances and be confident that life will again be what we make it. Opening up ourselves to the possibilities this life could have for us. When you go through something as traumatic as we did - you tend to see life with limits. It quickly defines time, health and family in a way you weren't quite expecting or were ready to accept. We are learning to throw off and reject those limits. We are investing in us - as a couple, as a family, as survivors and as friends. We will continue to be intentional and make our life, home and schedule one that best serves our unique family. We will take the opportunities given to us with new energy and purpose. We will be brave and "jump" with confidence!

This journey has taught me many, many things. Too many to list - though sometimes when I am struggling to sleep I open a conversation with God and begin to list the times I have seen His hand in my journey. The instances when I know it has been His divine voice, presence or hand teaching me, refining me and breathing hope and love into my soul. I thank him for being a Provider, Healer, Miracle Worker, Comforter, Father and Guide. I say "open conversation" because it often doesn't end.... as I keep reflecting and listing out the countless instances - I drift off into beautiful, blessed sleep to leave God to fill my dreams. He is ever faithful. Ever loving. Trust that. Be thankful. Even for the tough lessons - be thankful for what you have learned and use it to bless others.

Tonight as you read these words - think about your own goal for this next year. Ask the Lord for his opinion. Be brave and be intentional. Give those things of this life that bring you down - only a small part of your time and attention. Fill the rest of your mind and heart with the "good" this life has to offer. Love on your family. Forgive those who bring you grief. Breathe deep and be generous. Play to your strengths and rock what you've got!

We decide who we will be each day: Bitter, angry, compromised and defeated by life's challenges - or filled with the joy from above, choosing to do what we know we should, even though we don't want to - knowing that the Lord will carry us and the result of our choice will lead us to a more rich life.

More to come... stay tuned.